When a client tells me they’re exhausted, I don’t ask about their sleep first. I ask them to write down everything sitting on their mind.
Almost without fail, we discover they’re carrying “mental load” that has nothing to do with how physically active their day actually was — unfulfilled dreams, unresolved pressure, unfinished tasks that were never really theirs to carry.
My Own Story
As a mother, I struggled with years of mental load that was never mine to carry. As the key person responsible for the intellectual, emotional, and physical running of my home, I felt overwhelmed and always tired wondering if all other women were as tired as me. If they were then motherhood was at that point not enjoyable for me. Allison Daminger who wrote the book called What’s on her mind succinctly distinguishes between cognitive and physical household tasks. Some men may struggle to understand the mental load women carry due to being the main adult responsible for the cognitive household task as men tend to be less culturally trained to function that way.
I had to consciously decide to share the cognitive chores with my husband which meant that when it was his turn to plan I had to gently show him what cognitive planning entailed and switch off from most household tasks he did especially when I was a nursing mother. For example he needed to know that packing a bag for a trip had to include planning for if the child got ill, what texture would be less messy and easy to eat on a flight and all the cognitive planning that is more complex than putting a bunch of snacks and clothes that the child won’t like or need on a long trip leading to more stress for the whole family.
The reason I am highlighting the cognitive chores is that often unnoticed becomes one of the major mental loads of women especially those with young children even for tasks they delegate to others. Alongside dreams on hold, and hundreds of unfinished tasks.
If you’ve ever felt tired in a way sleep doesn’t fix, ask yourself what mental load are you carrying? Can you share some of the cognitive tasks to your partners, helpers or staff. You can go deeper into practical ways to care for your mind by getting your copy of The ABCs of Wellness Through Biblical Wisdom on Amazon. Alternatively you can get my free Mind self care Guide so that you can learn practical ways to offload and manage your mental load and enjoy a life of mental wellbeing amidst your daily responsibilities
