Hello Wellness Buddies,
I want to draw your attention to something that can make—or break—your wellness journey.
There are many things I wish I did differently in my twenties. If I could go back, I would change my first degree, marry in a different year, travel more, learn about investments earlier, buy a house in my earlier years, study counselling, and take more risks. At least, I can say I tried, some things failed, and I moved on peacefully.
However, there are things on that list I can never redo—like the year I got married. It may sound ridiculous to wish differently, but in hindsight, that single change might have helped me avoid years of challenges in marriage. Perhaps one day, I’ll share those stories openly.
I don’t know the weight you carry. Maybe you married someone you’re now convinced you shouldn’t have. Maybe you’re in the wrong job, serving as a leader in the wrong church unit, or even struggling with the reality of parenthood.
These experiences often come with shame, regret, and a feeling of being stuck—especially when it seems there are no second chances. You can’t change the year you married. You can’t stop being a parent. You can’t divorce your children. So you carry on, quietly struggling to accept a life you didn’t envisage.
Your regrets may not be as complex as some of these examples, depending on your age and life’s experiences. Still, I don’t need research to know that most humans carry regrets from the past. You likely have something you wish you had done differently—even if you don’t call it a regret. Thankfully, wishing we had done things differently is one of the signs of growth and self-awareness.
When you feel overwhelmed by “I should have,” “I could have,” “I would have,” or “I wish I knew earlier,” How can you move forward and enjoy wellness?
- Evaluate not avoid
Write it down and evaluate it honestly. Don’t condemn yourself, but avoid minimising or dismissing what you could have done better with the knowledge and resources you had. On the contrary, many of us would have done better if we knew better. Look at your younger self with grace and honesty. Change what you can, accept what you must, and surrender what ONLY God can restore.
- Do what you can
One of my favourite quotes is, “Now that you know better, do better.” You didn’t study that course—so what? These days a degree takes 2–4 years. Even if you start a medical degree at 50 and finish at 57, that still gives you a decade of meaningful service before retirement. If you don’t make it to the end, at least you die chasing what mattered to you.
In the bible, David led outcasts in the wilderness before leading as king of Israel. Joseph managed a household and a prison before managing Egypt’s economy. At your core, you remain who you are. What small step can you take today to turn yesterday’s regret into today’s reality? Often, the only thing holding us back is ourselves.
Some things—like your parental status—cannot be changed. Ending a marriage is tricky as well! In such cases, acceptance and finding a healthy baseline is essential. If your regret involves how you treated others, there may be room to apologise, and there is always a chance to forgive yourself, and receive God’s forgiveness.
- Surrender to the sovereignty and goodness of God
Many people feel trapped because they forget that God is not shocked by our choices. He knows every route you could have taken, and He does not abandon us on any of them. Scripture says “He will never leave us nor forsake us”. Whether you need grace to accept, wisdom to change, peace in the storm, or strength to walk away, God is present—waiting for your surrender.
- Join my coaching waitlist
If you’ve tried steps 1–3—or you’re struggling to—I’d love to invite you to join my coaching waitlist. From this blog, you already have a sense of how I coach. I walk alongside you to evoke awareness and help you move beyond past regrets with grace and intentionality. You don’t have to do this alone. Click this link to register today.
PS:
I’d also like to share a short video with you titled Dying Well. I hope it blesses you and offers a fresh perspective as you reflect on what you can do about what you wish was different in your past.
With love,
Your Wellness Buddy,
Adaeze ❤️
