I would lose count if I try to recall how many times I get home from work and dive straight into joining the family or preparing supper, after which I supervise and shower the kids, then evening devotion and ensuring the kids are in bed by 8PM or at least in their bedroom. When my kids are adults, I can imagine how they would laugh at some of the things I say when I am drained from the work and straight to settling them routine. By 8PM, I am knackered. I would say things like “don’t ask me any questions” “I’ve closed for the day” “I need to get out of work clothes and rest”. If you are a parent, you probably can guess when I need to say those previous statements. Bed time is when they realise they need more food but I’ve closed. My 11 year old daughter who has spent after school playing wants some heart to heart and debriefing talk at bed time. I get it but I am too exhausted to listen as I need to get out of work clothes and take care of myself. My son’s inquisitive mind wants more answers but I am starting to be irritable needing space.
This was my reality for months and to be honest, some days are still like this. However, in recent times, most days are no longer like me returning from work and jumping straight into serving everyone. I used to defend my jumping from work mode to work mode as something I would rather do so when I am done, I am done. The danger with this approach is day in, day out, my kids experience the worst of me and that’s the memory they take to bed. I am an exhausted, irritable mum who struggles to listen.
When someone runs a long metre race, they often do not stop and continue running or start having conversations. They have a little moment to “catch their breath” and breathe in a relatively normal rhythm before they indulge in their post race interview. The book I read in January was Strong Ground by Brene Brown. In the ending chapter she explained how it was important for her, being an introvert, needed time to debrief and reset after a long day of engaging and coaching people. She discussed it with her husband and they both had an agreement and that meant she didn’t need to stay in the car as some men would if she needed to be in her home. Reading her words were both affirmative and a strong reminder that a safe transition is something I should prioritise daily.
For you it may look like lying on your bed in your work clothes for 10 minutes, others it may be listening to music for 10 minutes, and for others silence in a dark room for 15 minutes. Some need 30 minutes to themselves. When you are single and dating another adult these structures for safe transitioning can be implemented. However, I know it can be more tricky with young children. I have come to learn that I mustn’t use children as an excuse for self neglect. Children adapt and when you explain something to them in the vocabulary they understand, you will be amazed how supportive and understanding they would be. Start first by giving yourself a chance to transition safely from one task to another so that you show up a more loving, centred, and intentional person. This practice is both an act of self love and loving others. Love is the biggest gift to humans so if little changes like this will make you align with your divine call, why not try it instead of giving a million and one reasons why it wouldn’t work for you.
As I know in the ABC’S of Wellness Book, the body is similar to a mechanical machinery. It needs fueling, maintenance checks, and sometimes change of parts and more importantly in the safe transition context needs to be turned off and sometimes rebooted to work properly in the form of a safe transition.
Do let me know how you safely transition between a full day of work and showing up as whoever you are to your loved ones.
With love,
Your wellness Buddy
Adaeze
